D+LGSW - Take Your Pick

(Take Your Pick titles start)

Hordriss: It's Take Your Pick. On this show, our contestants could win: A state of the art Camcorder. A years supply of Cola. A holiday to Japan. A DVD Voucher worth  
£1000. A state of the art Computer. The Take Your Pick treasure chest containing £1000. They could also win a big raspberry...

(Audience groans)

Hordriss:...an old tart...

(Groans)

Hordriss:...or a rubber chicken.

(Laughter)

Hordriss: And the Star Prize is this lovely speedboat, worth £5000. And here's your host with the cash and the keys, Dan.

(Applause)

Dan: Hello, and welcome to Take Your Pick. Now, the players for this game have been picked at random from the audience, right?

Audience: Right!

Dan: Let's get the show on the road, and we'll start with the Yes/No game. The contestants must last 60 seconds through the round. They get a pound for every second they last. They must not say Yes, they must not say No, they must not nod or shake their head. Before that, let's welcome my friend, fellow dungeoneer and my glamourous assistant, The man with the Gong, Liam!

(Liam comes on with the gong, but he's wearing a dress rather than a suit!)

(Laughter)

Dan: Poor you, Liam. What have our make-up artists done to you?

Liam: Er, well... they said they ran out of suits...but just watch...

(He pulls the top of the dress open and lets it fall, showing a buttoned shirt and trousers.)

Liam: There we go.

Dan: How about that, Ladies and Gentlemen?

(Applause)

Liam: Thanks, guys.

Dan: OK, are we happy and ready to go now , Liam?

Liam: As always.

(He hits the gong.)

Dan: Oooh, Crikey. OK, let's bring on our first contestant to play the Yes/No Game!

(Liam brings out Simon from Series 4 of Knightmare.)

(Applause)

Dan: OK, we have Simon, first, is that right? So, which series was you in, Simon?

Simon: I was in series 4.

Dan: Series 4. You side-stepped to the left to your doom in the Block and Tackle, is that right?

Simon: That's correct.

Dan: That's correct. You're not going to say Yes, are you?

Simon: I might..

Dan: You might say Yes?

Simon: Of course.

Dan: You're trying, I can tell. So, what was your quest? What were you going for?

Simon: Ooh. I can't remember.

Dan: You can't remember. I understand. It was back in 1990, wasn't it?

Simon: I don't think so...

Dan: You don't think so?

Simon: No...

(BONG!)

Dan: Ohh! 30 seconds!

Simon: Shoot! I was doing so well, too!

   Dan: OK, just make your way over there, and we may see you later on. And the next one please.

   (Liam brings out Treguard.)

Dan: Ah, Treguard, the Dungeon Master. Welcome to Take Your Pick. So, you were the first one to master the dungeon prior to Episode 1 of Knightmare.

Treguard: I was, indeed.

Dan: Now, were there any moments in the games which you didn't like? Could you tell us what happened?

Treguard: Um, well I can't name them all...

Dan: How about the instance which you were possessed by Mildread in Series 2?

Treguard: Oh, that was just shameful! And dare I say uncomfortable, too.

Dan: I know. Imitating you so that she could get Christopher into the cauldron. Tut Tut! You said you'd arrange her to meet Merlin. I wonder if she ever saw him.

Treguard: she did.. but merlin cast her away never to be seen again

Dan: After that, I'm not surprised. Now, Lord Fear. Devious devil, isn't he?

Tregaurd: Yes. Nasty blighter, but in real life he's a good friend...outside of Knightmare rules

Dan: It's good to hear that everyone sgets on with each other. Right, the rooms in the dungeon. Do you have a favourite?

Tregaurd: Matter of fact, I do. The block and tackle chamber.

Dan: The Block and Tackle. Simon was killed on that, and so was another dungeoneer. Would you want to see one of the Opposition go in it?

Tregaurd: Heavens, no!

(BONG!)

Dan: Oooh! 44 seconds. Excellent.

Liam: Very good. Very good indeed, Treguard.

Dan: Yes. We'll see you a bit later, Treguard. Well done. And the next contestant , please.

(Liam brings out Mogdred.)

Audience: Boooo!

Dan: So, it's Mogdred next, is it?

Mogdred: Why, yes, it is quite naive...oh cauldrons!

(BONG!)

(Laughter)

Dan: THREE Seconds! Bring on the next contestant. Three seconds. He fell right in it!

(General Lee comes on.)

Dan: General Lee. Er, do we have subtitles on? Yes. So, General Lee from Takeshi's Castle, am I correct?

General Lee: (Subtitled) Absolutely correct.

Dan: You're not going to say no, are you?

General Lee: Absolutely not, sir.

Dan: Good, glad to hear it. Now, let's have a look. Do you have a favourite event?

(Liam keeps the gong steady.)

General Lee: I suppose Bridge Ball, because it's one of the only events where I'm active. There's also Sumo Rings, because I like the faces on some of the contestants when they pick out Shinoburyo's purple ball.

Dan: Shinoburyo. He's a big fella, ain't he?

General Lee: He certainly is.

(Liam looks on and still keeps the gong steady.)

Dan: And how about the end game? Did you take part in the Show Down?

General Lee: I used to, when the karts had lasers, but not any more, I'm afraid.

Dan: Not any more?

General Lee: No! Oops!

(BONG!)

Dan: I make that 40 seconds. Well done, General. And the next one, please.

(Liam brings out Pat Sharp.)

Dan: Hey, hey, Pat Sharp from Fun House. That previous game at the Fun House was a real blast, wasn't it Pat?

Pat: Certainly was, Dan.

Dan: Now, of course, we know you present Fun House, but you have been in the firing ling of several gungings by the Grant twins.

Pat: That's right.

Pat: Why, on one game, I got gunged on one game and got my just desserts.

Dan: Your just desserts? Bet they didn't taste good.

Pat: No. Oh, dear!

(Bong!)

Dan: Oh, 15 seconds. But it's enough!

Liam: I'll get the next one out and maybe this one might last longer.

Dan: Let's hope so. Bring on our next contestant!

(Liam brings out Boyard.)

Dan: OK. Clock's started. So you're Boyard, the keeper of the fort, right?

Boyard: That's correct.

Dan: And you're proud of the fort's treasure and don't want to give it away without a fight.

Boyard: Nah. I just see if they have what it takes!

Dan: Now, one of the games is downright messy. The one where you have to wrestle the female warrior, correct?

Boyard: Ah, I'm afraid I don't watch the games, I always head off to prepare for the next one.

Dan Lucky you. I bet you take delight in watching the contestants fail and being sent to jail by Monsieur Le Bull.

Boyard: Ah, that I do.

Dan: You sure do? You're not gonna say yes or no, are you?

Boyard: It depends.

Dan: It depends? Are you sure? Are you certain it depends?

Boyard: What do you think?

Dan: I can see it in your eyes. You wanna say Yes or No, but you can't.

Boyard: I'm not going to say it.

Dan: OK, OK. That professor. How long has he been in that watchtower?

Boyard: Let me see. Hmm, he's been there since...1990.

Dan: Since 1990? Blimey! No wonder he's in his condition. Does he get fed well?

Boyard: Well, he get's a full course meal every so often.

Dan: That's good to hear. He needs to be taken care of in his age. Now, he is a clever man posing those riddles.

Boyard: How should I know?

Dan: Well, someone has to provide him with books...oh, never mind. Now, those tigers...

Boyard: What about them?

Dan: How often are they fed?

Boyard: Er, once a day.

Dan: Once a day?

Boyard: No..not once a day thrice a day. Oh, bay of Biscay!

(BONG!)

Dan: You said no at 53 seconds!

Boyard: That's good enough for me.

Dan: Just 7 out. Well done. So, that's our lot. Liam and I will calculate the scores and we'll be back to play Take Your Pick. See you then.

(Liam hits the gong)

Dan: Oooher....

(Dan wobbles about)

(Take Your Pick music, Title Card.)

(End of Part 1)

(Take Your Pick music)

(Part 2)

Dan: Welcome back to Take Your Pick. Will Simon be taking home the Big Raspberry? Or will Treguard be taking the £1000 treasure chest? Let's find out now as we play Take Your Pick!

(Liam brings back Boyard.)

Liam: Here we are, Boyard, you lasted for 53 seconds and get to go first.

(Applause)

Dan: Right, so Boyard. (And yes, we can say his name). It's OK, you can say Yes or No as often as you like now. So, you're the owner of the Fort. It's fortified with challenges, you like it when there's total failure in the contestants. What is it you like about the contestants failing?

Boyard: Well...I just like seeing the teams dwindle down and seeing them fail...it does warm my small heart at times

Dan: It says here on my card that Melissa Messenger was the original Hostess in the UK version. She was the one who supported the contestants through the games, correct?.

Boyard: Yes, that is correct, Dan. And, in fact, I didn't mind working with that blonde woman. She was a very good hostess.

Dan: I thought so too. Now, this is what's gonna happen. There are ten keys which will open those boxes over there. I don't know what's in them. There is another box -  Number 13. I DO know what's in there. Could be a good prize, could be a bad prize, and for the benefit of the viewers at home, here's the number which will open box 13 tonight!

(Number 3 will open box 13)

Dan: OK, to get to the boxes I have to ask some questions. You need to get 3 out of 4 right. If you do, you get to choose a key. OK? Right, here's a silly one. What is a cavernrake. Is it a rake used in a cavern? A type of Soup? Or a kind of ghost?

Boyard: Uh...is it a ghost?

Dan: Correct. General Knowledge. Yacht, Ship and Ocean Liners are types of which vehicle?

Boyard: Boats

Dan: Yee-ess. How are you on TV?

Boyard: I'll...give it a go.

Dan: OK then, Which long running ITV soap opera will celebrate 50 years since it started in 1960?

Boyard: Is it...Coronation Street?

Dan: Coronation Street it is! You get to select a key, take your pick.

Boyard: 8, please

Dan: Number 8, that's down here. Now I'm gonna try to buy that off you. I will offer you £8.

Boyard: No, thanks.

Dan: How about £100? (Gets £50 notes ready)

Boyard: Hmm...nope. I'll open the box.

Dan: Put your hand out. £50. £100, £150, £200!

(Audience shout "BOX". Some shout "Take IT!")

Boyard: Hmm...I'll open the box.

Dan: This is real money! Look, look! £250!

(Boyard looks and does a Stuart Hall impression)

Boyard: No...no...no.

Dan: £300!

Boyard: No...final decision. I'll take the box.

Dan: Final decision, take the box? OK. He's turned down £300. Come with me. Put your key in the keyhole.

(Boyard inserts the key into the lock.)

Dan: OK, give it a turn and give me the card.

(Boyard turns the key, opens the door and gives Dan the card.)

Dan: You have turned down £300, but instead you've won...A DVD voucher worth £1000!

(Applause)

Dan: Worth more than £300. Enjoy it! And the next one please!

(Liam brings Treguard out)

Liam: Next, we have Treguard who lasted for 44 seconds!

(Applause)

Dan: Impressive stuff. Well, Treguard. Occupation: Dungeon Master and Leader of the Powers that Be.

Treguard: Correct.

Dan: We spoke earlier about you being controlled by Mildread, but I believe there were times which you were possessed by bony face Mogdred. Tell me, was this worse than being possessed by Mildread?

Treguard: Oh yes, 100 times worse.

Dan: Now, were there any characters in the dungeon which annoyed you?

Treguard: I really hated Pickle trying to help the other dungeoneers by putting food into the knapsack, and also those Wailing Doors.

Dan: Oh yes. I remember Pickle put a banana in the knapsack at the start of Series 4. As for the Door monsters, maybe you should have told them to shut up!

(Laughter and groans from the audience)

Dan: OK, You know the drill. Now, there are 9 boxes to choose from. 4 questions, 3 you need to answer correctly to get the key. Silly question, first. If I had a banana split, would I be doing an exercise, ripping my clothes or having a dessert?

Treguard: You'd be having a dessert.

Dan: Yes, of course I would! General Knowledge. Which European country is shaped like a boot?

Treguard: That'd be Italy

Dan: Correct. TV. Takeshi's Castle, Ninja Warrior and Unbeatable Banzuke are all gameshows that were filmed in which country?

Treguard: Japan

Dan: Japan is the correct answer. Please, take your pick.

Treguard: I'll take Number 3, please

Dan: Number 3.

(ALARMS!)

Dan: Ooh!

Liam: You know what that means...That means Box 3 is the one that'll open box 13!

Dan: For the benefit of the viewers at home, here's what's in Box 13 tonight.

(A model of Fort Boyard)

Liam: Right, Treguard. You have a decision.. you could take the key you have already, number 3, or you can swap for key 13...

Dan: But first, we have to tempt you. For those 2 keys, £100. (Hands out the notes) £50, £100, £150, £200!

Treguard: No, thank you, sir.

Liam: Hmm. £300, £400, £450,

Dan: £500!

Liam: £550

(Audience murmur)

Dan: £600!

Liam: How about this? £750 and you get to open Box 13 for free.

Dan: Make that...£800!

Treguard: Hmm...tempting.

Liam: OK. Maybe this will tempt you. £900 and you open Boxes 13 and 3

(Audience: TAKE IT! TAKE IT!)

Treguard: Very well. You have a deal.

Dan: He's going to take £900 + the two keys. Which are you going to open first?

Treguard: 3, please.

Dan: 3. You know what to do now.

(Treguard inserts the key, turns it and opens the box.)

Dan: OK, hand me the card and we'll see what's on it.

(Treguard does so.)

Dan: And you have won...oh my! Only the Treasure Chest with £1000

Treguard: Wow.

Dan: So, £1,900 is now in your possession. Now, I'll open box 13.

(Dan puts the key in the lock and turns it. Then, he opens the box, and pulls out a model of Fort Boyard.)

Dan: What have we got here? Well, it's a Fort Boyard model. But this is no ordinary miniature, look over there on that screen!

Hordriss:  A magnificent boating trip around the coast of France is the prize in Box 13 tonight! Included in the prize is a trip to Fort Boyard itself! Enjoy!

  Audience: Whoooo!
  
(Treguard shakes Liam's hand)

Treguard: Thank you!

Dan: Our heartiest congratulations to you. Enjoy yourself! And the next one please, Liam.

(General Lee comes out.)

(Cheers)

Liam: Next up, we have General Lee, he's the third one out.

Dan: OK. We really hope you do well tonight, there's still some smashing prizes up for grabs. So, General Lee. Leader of the countless hundreds who try to storm Takeshi's Castle.

General Lee: Indeed so.

Dan: And just to show how crazy some contestants are, here's a little clip for the audience.

(A montage of moments from Takeshi's Castle shows in a "Furious Flashback" way)

(Raucous laughter from the audience, and  General Lee shakes with laughter)

Dan: Good times, Eh?

General Lee: Yes, there were some very good times.

Dan: We might do a Takeshi's Castle tribute one time. It's on Mine and Liam's Game Show Wheel. That's then, and this is now. 4 questions, I need 3 correct answers.  
         Silly question. What is the main ingredient of the British dish "Toad in the Hole? Is it Frogs, Newts or Sausages?

General Lee: That's sausages.

Dan: Correct. General Knowledge. What is the name of the Jupiter Mining Ship which harbours such aircraft as Starbug 1 and Blue Midget?

General Lee: Um...Red Dwarf

Dan: Spot on. And Television. What is the name of the General Knowledge gameshow which has the catchphrase "Final Answer"?

General Lee: Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Dan: Is the correct answer! OK, select your key.

General Lee: Number 6

Dan: Number 6. OK, £60? How about £100? (Gets out the notes)

General Lee: I'll say it first hand. I'll take the box and only the box.

Dan: Oh. No arguing with this fella, he's made up his mind. Come over here, and open the box.

(General Lee opens his box.)

Dan: Good, and let's see what you've won.

(Looks at the card)

Dan: Oh boy...

(Looks again)

Dan: Erm...how good are you on the water?

General Lee: I'm OK. Uh...why do you ask?

Dan: Because you've WON THE STAR PRIZE, THE SPEEDBOAT WORTH £5000!

(Cheering)

General Lee: Wow!

Hordriss: Yes, General Lee. Congratulations. You have won the latest in speedboats worth £5000.

Dan: A good decision. Hope you enjoy it! OK, Liam, the next contestant.

(Liam brings in Simon)

(Applause)

Liam: Next is our fourth placed contestant, Simon from Series 4 of Knightmare.

Dan: So, Simon. The dungeoneer from Season 4 who suffered a nasty fall in the Block and Tackle room. Don't worry. We don't have that footage on us.

Simon: Don't worry. I never went back with my idiot friend who lead me to that infamous suicide!

Dan: You mean "Lefty?"

(Laughter)

(Simon puts his hand to his face.)

Dan: OK, let's cut to the chase. Boxes 3, 6 and 8 have already gone, but there are still some good prizes left, but there are also the three duddies! Watch out. OK, silly question. If I wanted to buy a first-class stamp, would I be having a tantrum in school, getting stuck in a stampede or sending a letter?

Simon: Sending a letter.

Dan: Yep. Spaghetti, Tagliatelle and Fettucini are all types of which Italian food?

Simon: Pasta.

Dan: Pasta's correct. TV. Which actor replaced David Tennant in the role of Doctor Who?

Simon: That would be Matt Smith.

Dan: Right you are! OK, Take your Pick.

Simon: Number 1.

Dan: Number 1 on its own, Surely you're not gonna take £1! (Gets £50 notes out) How about £100, £200, £300!

(Hands the £50 notes to Simon)

Simon: I'll give you the key for £800

Dan: £900, then?

Simon: Deal

Dan: He's turned down Box 1 for £900. Now, we'll see what you could've won! In with the key...

Liam: and out with the card

Dan: And you have turned down...A RUBBER CHICKEN!

Simon: Yes!

Dan: That is a good deal. £900 is yours and the rubber chicken goes Bok! Bok! Bok! Begging!

Liam: Right, then.

(He goes and gets Pat Sharp out.)

Dan: Oh, this is an extended show, so just you sit back down, you in the audience!

(A member of the audience sits back down.)

   Dan: Thank you. Hiya, Pat!

Pat: Hey there.

Dan: Let me tell you, Ladies and Gentlemen, we had such fun on Fun House. We got to be Pat's assistants because the Grant Twins were enjoying themselves at Alton Towers!

Audience: Woo!

Liam: Yeah, it was fun!

Dan: So, Pat. Have the twins returned from their...holiday?

Pat: I haven't a clue really, they did say they would pop in to watch...oh, wait, I see them. They're in the audience!

Dan: Where? (Looks) He's right! There they are!

(Camera zooms to the twins' location. Fun House prize sound effect plays.)

Dan: Let's hope they bring you some luck with the questions. Silly one. If my nose was running, would it have grown legs? Spray water on the garden? Or would I be having a bad cold?

Pat: Sounds like a bad cold, to me!

Dan: Yep. General Knowledge. Complete the phrase: Too many cooks spoil the...what?

Pat: Broth.

Dan: Correct, and TV. In which murder/mystery series did Angela Lansbury play the sleuth Jessica Fletcher?

Pat: Oh, that was Murder, She Wrote.

Dan: Spot on. OK, 1, 3, 6 and 8 are gone, Take your Pick, Pat, please.

Pat: Number 4.

Dan: Number 4. OK. (Gets notes out.) £50.

Pat: Nah!

Dan: £100, £200, £300! £400, £500, £600!

Pat: £950 and I might take it.

Dan: £1000!

Pat: Higher..

Dan: Higher? This ain't Play your Cards Right! £1,250

Pat: You've got a deal. I'll take the money.

Dan: He's turned down Box 4 for a total of £1,250! Now, we get to see what you could've won.

(Liam takes the key and opens the box.)

Dan: Pass me the card, Liam.

(Liam passes the card to Dan.)

Dan: Thank you, and you've turned down...A BIG RASPBERRY! :

Liam: (Sighs) Thank goodness!

Dan: I'll say. Good decision, Pat. Very well done.

Pat: Thanks, lads.

Dan: And I think that Mogdred's left. Bring him on, Liam

(Liam brings out Mogdred, who looks embarrassed from his mistake!)

Audience: Boo! Hisss!

Dan: Now, now!

Modgred: I know I'm a bad guy, but seriously, I had a bad moment!

Dan: Obviously, well, let's hope you have a good moment now. Silly question. What is a didgerydoo? Is it a digger? A tree? or an instrument?

Mogred: Um...an instrument.

Dan: Correct. In 2012, where will the Summer Olympic Games be held?

Mogdred: London

Dan: Correct, and TV. "Super! Smashing! Great!" and "Let's see what you could've won" were catchphrases in which popular game show on ITV?

Mogdred: That's Bullseye!

(Mooooo!)

Dan: That's correct! Take your pick!

Mogdred: 7 please

Dan: Number 7. Lucky Number 7. How about (gets £50 notes out) £500?

(Mogdred rolls his hand around)

Mogdred: More, and I might take it.

Dan: £50, £100, £150, £200, £250, £300, £350, £400, £450, £500! £600! £700! £750!

Mogdred: No, no, no. More please!

Dan: £950! Final offer! Take the money or the box?

Mogdred: All right, I'll take the money.

Dan: He's taking £950, and turning down Box 7. Let's see what you could have won. Key in the lock, and give me the card.

(Mogdred does the two things.)

Dan: Let's have a look. You've turned down...A years supply of Cola.

Mogdred: Aww. Oh, well.

Dan: But you do have £950. Enjoy yourself, and you can make up for that mistake.

Mogdred: Thanks.

Dan: Give him a big hand.

(Applause)

Dan: Well, that's all from this special one off edition of Take Your Pick! But we'll be back for another of our gameshows soon!

Liam: Thank you for watching...(or reading!), and well done to Treguard.

Dan: Yes indeed. So until next time, from me, Dan...

Liam:...and me, Liam

Dan: See you very soon, Goodbye!

Liam: Cheerio!

(Applause)

(Credits Roll)