(The Crystal Maze theme plays over a montage of games, and the contestants, before fading into the title card. The gold and silver tokens flutter around inside the
Crystal Dome, before the camera pans down.)
Lithius: Hello, and welcome to another of Dan and Liam's Game Shows. This time around it is the Crystal Maze, and I am your special host, Lithius.
(Camera gradually zooms in, very slowly as Lithius continues)
Lithius: The show is always the same, six lucky adventurers have bravely stepped into the maze itself to be challenged in a series of devilishly fiendish games, putting their mind, body and teamwork skills to the test in order to collect crystals...
(He holds one up in his hand.)
Lithius: ...such as this one here, to be used in the dome you see behind me right now. However, the rules are a little different, this time, we have two teams of three. Both
teams are allowed to follow each other and can cheer each other on, but both teams are to play in seperate games though.
(Camera eventually stops zooming in.)
Lithius: Now, I bet you're wondering why Ed or Richard aren't here. Well, you'll soon see...so let's meet out teams of three, who will work together...
(Fades to Contestant Profiles)
Lithius: For the blues we have...
Lithius: Sidress, Age unknown, Occupation - Level One Mage, from the Knightmare Dungeons.
Lithius: Richard O'Brien, Occupation - Singer, actor and Series 1-4 Host of the Crystal Maze.
Lithius: And Dan, Occupation - Artist and Captain of The Blue Team, From England. And for the Reds...
Lithius: ...we have Stiletta, Occupation - Huntress from the Knightmare Dungeons.
Lithius: Edward Tudor Pole, Occupation - Series 5-6 Host and Guitarist.
Lithius: And Captain Liam Davis, Occupation - Colour artist and Writer, Location - Ireland. Let's go and find them, shall we.
(Fades to the Medieval Zone, where the Red and Blue teams are waiting. Both the Captains are wearing Dark Blue and Red tags on their jackets. They both turn as Lithius arrives)
Lithius: Hello, greetings and welcome to you all, teams!
(He shakes the teams' hands)
All: Hello. How d'ya do. Hi, Lithius.
Lithius: That's the ticket! Right. Now then, I shall tell you the rules as we get in. It's kinda cold out here, isn't it?
Dan: I'll say it is. Brr! Hold on, it looks like snow!
(Dark clouds gather ahead.)
Lithius: Hmm, you're right, Captain. Right then, on the blow on the whistle we will begin. Ready, get set...
(TOOOOT! Both captains open the doors, and the others pull on the chains, but the portcullis doesn't move.)
Lithius: Whoops! Oh, dear! I forgot to oil the portcullis again...Oh, well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to climb over.
Richard: Of course. We've done this before. Upward and onward! Hup!
(All follow suit and climb over the portcullis. Lithius watches the teams climbing over and then he follows behind but closes the doors first before going in and climbs over. The map fades in. A light indicates the team in the Medieval Zone, then it zooms into view as the other zones fly out. The map fades out to the Medieval Zone)
Lithius: Okay, guys, please sit down at the table. I'll be there in a second.
(The teams sit down and wait for Lithius, who walks over rubbing his hands.)
Lithius: Now, welcome to the Medieval Zone...and...well...my home for the night.
Richard: It is rather nice, isn't it?
Lithius: Yes, it is...This chair actually feels really rather cosy, too...Let's begin with a few ground rules, shall we?
Dan: Fire away, Lithius.
Lithius: Right, The rules are as follows: there will be four games in each zone, two of which will be played by two members of each team. Now the challenge categories are Skill, Physical, Mental or Mystery, and the games have a time limit of 2:15 to 3:00. Should any of you exceed your time in the game rooms, you will be locked in, until the captains see fit to buy you out with a crystal. However, if any members of your own team are locked in, a back up member will be supplied until a locked in contestant can be bought back. Agreed?
Lithius: Excellent. Now, before we began, Captain Dan, you won the toss so you get the first pick.
Dan: In that case, I think we'll start with a Mental, if you please.
Lithius: Ah, a Mental, eh? And who will take the Mental, then?
Dan: I'll have a go.
Lithius: You want to take the first challenge? Great, come with me...!
(Lithius and the teams go over to where Mumsie's room would be.)
Lithius: Ah, here we are. Now, Captain, I must warn you. This first game is an Automatic Lock-in, I'm afraid.
Dan: Oh no!
Lithius: Should you fail to escape, you will be locked in. However. I'm sure you'll have no problem escaping from it. You'll have two and a half minutes from the instant I close the door. Teams, you can help out and look in through the windows and the door window...
(They take their positions)
Lithius: Right. One more thing, Dan. Some gauntlets are provided in the room. In you go.
(Lithius opens the door. Dan enters the room and puts on the gauntlets, then Lithius closes the door and turns the hourglass.)
Dan: Now then...
(In the room is a table with pins sticking out. There are some cogs on a shelf at the back of the room and the crystal is in plain sight.)
Dan: Aha. I have to build the pulley. I see.
(Starts pulling the cogs off the shelf)
Richard: I'd know this room anywhere. It's the security system with the portcullis.
(Dan slots some cogs into the correct places)
(Lithius looks about and notices a suit of armour.)
Lithius: Now, this suit of armour is currently stored in here for decoration. It's rarely been used, hence why it is extremely clean and shiny.This one was supposed to have been worn by one of my relatives, however, he didn't use it...erm, two minutes!
(At 2:00, Dan has all the cogs in place. He takes the crystal, and the portcullis slams down)
Lithius: Uh-oh, the security system has been activated. What are you going to do?
(Dan grabs the rope, feeds it through the holes in the capstan and knots it.)
Lithius: Hmm. That's the idea.
Dan: Let's see if this works.
(He grabs the handle and cranks it up, humming the Crystal Maze theme.)
Lithius: Oh, Dan. That knot's looking a bit loose to me...
(He gives the knot a good sharp pull, and it tightens.)
Richard: That's the ticket! Erm, how are we doing for time, Lithius?
Lithius: Time? Oh, just under 1:15, I should think.
Dan: Take two!
(Dan cranks the lever again, and the portcullis begins to rise, gradually speeding up.)
Sidress: Aha! It's working...I think.
Dan: Nearly there...
(Soon, the gap is passable, and Dan gets out, crystal in hand. He bangs on the door...Lithius opens up, and Dan gets out, raising the crystal for all to see.The teams cheer.)
Lithius: Well, well, well. The first success for the blues, well done. Let's hope this good fortune continues, so that's your first five seconds in the Dome.
(Lithius places his hand out, and Dan passes the crystal to Lithius)
Lithius: Thank you.
(He places the crystal into a blue coloured tube on his belt.)
Lithius: Right. Captain Liam, a game for your team then. Take your pick.
Liam: Well, since Dan started off for the Blues, I'll start off for the Reds.
Lithius: Right-o. And what game type takes your fancy?
Liam: I'll do a skill game.
Lithius: Right, a skill game...skill, skill, skill, skill, sk...oh yeah, I have one. Come with me, Captain Liam.
(Lithius brings the teams to a room near the path which leads to the Futuristic Zone.)
Lithius: This is a 2:15 game, and I suggest you time your planets right. In you go...
(The door opens, Liam goes in, the door closes again and Lithius turns the timer. Inside the room, there's a pillar which has a turning set of baskets with "planet" colours on them.)
Liam: Okay. I have to place the planets into the baskets, presumably.
Ed: Ah yes, I remember this game. Make sure you get the right planet in the right basket, dear boy.
(Liam goes over to the planets box and takes out a "Pluto" ball. The "Pluto" basket rotates into sight. He pushes the ball down the chute, waits then releases it. The "Pluto" ball lands in the dish/basket. DONG! Pluto's light comes on the display. Next, Liam gets a "Uranus" ball from the box.)
Ed: Good show. Get ready.
(Uranus's basket rotates into sight. Liam places the ball in the chute, rolls it down, releases and the "Uranus" ball lands in its basket. DONG! Uranus's light comes on.)
Dan: Hmm. Maybe you could try two at a time...
(Liam goes over and gets a "Mars" and "Jupiter" from the box)
Stiletta: Just don't release them simultaneously.
Liam: OK, I got it...
(He places the two into the chute, holding one back.)
Ed: How much time's left?
Lithius: 1:45 Ed.
Ed: 1:45, Liam.
(Liam sees the "Mars" basket come by. It rotates into sight. "Jupiter's" is behind it.)
Sidress: Here it comes...
(Liam gets ready and releases the "Mars" ball, then moves his hand out of the way after it's dropped in is basket. DONG! Mars' light comes on.)
Dan: Here comes Jupiter!
Liam: I see it...
(Jupiter's basket arrives. Liam releases the "Jupiter" ball and it lands in its basket. DONG! Light comes on.)
Dan: Just Venus, Saturn and Neptune to go!
(Liam gets the remaining planets in little under 30 seconds. DONG! DONG! DONG! Flash! The crystal reveals itself...with one minute to go.)
Dan: There it is!
(Liam grabs it and bangs on the door. Lithius opens it, and Liam jubilantly steps out. All cheer.)
Liam: Yeah! Two in total!
(He places the crystal into Lithius's hand.)
Ed: So far, so good!
Lithius: Indeed. One apiece, it seems...
(Lithius places the crystal into the red tube)
Dan: Let's see if we can get more.
Lithius: OK, it's back to you, Captain Dan.
Dan: We'll try a Physical, this time.
Lithius: A Physical. OK, then, who's going to try?
Dan: It's gonna be Sidress, this time.
Lithius: A Physical for Sidress? Hmm...oh, I think I've got a Physical Game for you, Sidress. Come on!
(They all go over to the next games room.)
Lithius: (Humming the "Crystal Maze" theme as he runs over.) O....kay, Sidress, this is a 2:15 game as well. In you go, then.
(Sidress enters, and Lithius closes the door and turns the timer.)
Richard: I believe this is where the pulley maze was.
Dan: Do you know what you have to do, Sidress?
Richard: The left bar is for left and right, the right bar is for up and down.
Sidress: Oh, I see. There's a spike ball on a chain, and it seems like I have to hit those targets...Ah, there's a chute for the crystal.
(The Crystal's at the back)
Sidress: So I have to swing the...
(Moves the levers, and the ball chain starts to swing. It reaches its highest point and BUMP! The first piece of the chute drops, and the crystal rolls onto the next section.)
Lithius: That's it.
Dan: OK, next one.
(Sidress swings the ball on the chain to the centre and hits the target. BUMP! The crystal zig-zags onto the final section.)
Dan: You're doing great! Just this last one! How are we doing?
Dan: OK. That's plenty.
Richard: Keep going, Sidress, you nearly there.
(Sidress turns the chain to the right, and hits the target. BUMP! The crystal zig-zags along, doing a 360 turn along the twisting chute, then turns right, and rolls down the
chute, to the base. Sidress grabs it.)
(Sidress knocks on the door. Lithius opens it, and all cheer as Sidress gives the crystal to Lithius. Sidress joins Dan and Richard again.)
Lithius: You're good at this so far, teams! OK, that's three altogether so far, but Liam, the final game of this zone is yours to pick. What would you like to play?
Liam: Hmm. Well, we'll go for a Mystery game...and Ed can play..
Lithius: A Mystery for Ed, eh? Aha, right then. Come on!
(He goes over and goes to the Murdered Wizard room and the teams follow)
Lithius: You have got three minutes for this game, Ed. Are you ready?
Lithius: Chocks away, then!
(Lithius opens the door. Ed goes in, then Lithius closes the door and turns the timer. The first thing Ed notices is a dummy of a wizard slumped over a desk with a dagger in its back.)
Ed: Oh, I say. Poor old chap. There is a wizard slumped over a desk, here.
Liam: Oh dear...
Ed: There's a dagger in his back. Very nasty. And there is a page from a book in his hand, it looks like.
Liam: A page? Well, what does it say?
(Ed takes the page and smooths it out)
Ed: It says: Between Eye of Newt and Adder's Tongue. Eh?
(He sees a set of potions and other bits and bobs.)
Liam: Ed, why don't you try looking at the potions.
Ed: Potions? Ah, yes.
(Goes over to the potion vials.)
Ed: Now, then. Eye of...aha! There is a scroll, er, a message in a bottle.
Ed: And it reads...(unrolls the scroll)..."Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it's a tangled web we weave."
Dan: A tangled web...it must be a spider. Is there a spider somewhere?
(Ed turns, and sees a mess of cobwebs, and a large toy spider. He sees something shine.)
Ed: Aha, what's this?
Ed: It's a Sapphire Key, with a tag. It says "Box 5". So, there must be a box which this key will unlock.
Liam: I don't see anything about at the minute...I think you'd better search, Ed.
(Ed searches high and low, until he spots six wooden treasure chests in the left hand corner near the door.)
Ed: Ah! Hello, this looks promising.
(Liam looks on as Ed fits the key into the lock of Box 5. He turns it, opens the chest and pulls out a very dusty book. A cloud of dust fills the air..)
Liam: Uh-oh! (Some dust flies up his nose.) Ah...ahh...ATCHOOO!
(Ed splutters and opens the book. The Crystal is in the centre of the pages.)
(He takes it out, then bangs on the door. Lithius opens it and all cheer as Ed strolls out, and hands Lithius the crystal.)
Lithius: That makes twenty seconds all together, a clean sweep of the first zone. My congratulations, team! Right, I reckon it's time to go on to another zone, don't you? Frankly, I wanna go under the sea next. To the Ocean Zone!
Dan: (To the "fourth wall") Anti-clockwise it is.
(The teams follow Lithius, who leads them through a tunnel, which ends with a grille, which Lithius pushes away and squeezes through. The map fades in. A light indicates the team in the Ocean Zone, then it zooms into view as the other zones fly out. Fades out to the Ocean Zone, where the teams meet up with Lithius in the main room.)
Lithius: Ah, here we are. You're standing in the SS. Atlantis...well, what remains of this proud vessel. Originally, the ship was a beautiful Liner in 2033, but it sank accidentally a week after it's voyage. The cat, Rusty, didn't make it off the ship I'm sorry to say, but the ship is still going strong as a big boulder plugged the hole up, so we're good for, say, thirty years. Anyway, we'd best crack on. You have four crystals, which makes twenty seconds in the Crystal Dome, and no lock-ins. Pretty good so far, teams. Let's keep it up. Right, Captain Dan. What would you like?
Dan: Let's go for a Skill game, please.
Lithius: Oh, a Skill game. And who's to play it then?
Dan: It's gonna be R-r-r-r-richard!
Lithius: Richard! Excellent. Come along...
(Lithius goes through to the boiler room to the boiler and the teams follow.)
Lithius: OK, teams, you may go and look at the monitor over there. Now, Richard. This game lasts two and a half minutes and it starts the very second I close the door. In you go.
(Lithius opens the double doors, and inside the room, it has a cage with the crystal on a basket, with a math machine and a big fan connected to a coin bank. Lithius closes the doors behind Richard, and pushes the switch on the clock.)
Richard: Aha! It's the question machine.
Lithius: It's a little modified. You see, you have to get five coins to power the fan completely.
Richard: OK, got you.
(Question: Who was the first host of Chain Letters.
A: Dave Spikey
B: Jeremy Beadle
C: Ted Robbins)
Richard: That's B.
(Presses B: CORRECT! A coin falls, and Richard keeps hold of it.)
Richard: OK, chaps, next question. "Who is Charlie Brown's faithful dog?
Sidress: It's Snoopy.
(Richard presses C: CORRECT! Another coin falls.)
Richard: Next one. What is 25% of 200?
Liam: That would be...50!
(Richard presses A: CORRECT! Another coin falls.)
Lithius: 1:45 remaining Richard.
Richard: Three out of five. Next. Which of these is a type of pear?
Dan: Conference, Richard.
(Richard presses A: CORRECT! Another coin falls.)
Richard: Final one. "Who had the phrase "Just like that!"?
A: Frankie Howerd
B: Kenneth Williams
C: Tommy Cooper.
Ed: It's the one with the fez...Tommy Cooper.
(Richard presses C: CORRECT! A Fifth coin falls.)
Lithius: Now Richard, once you have the coins you need to place them into the bank. However, there is an order in which you have to insert the coins. The lights will indicate that you've got them in the right order.
(Richard positions the fan toward the crystal, and puts the first coin into the slot. The fan starts and begins to blow the crystal to the chute. A light comes on.
Richard thumbs through to the next coin, which has 2 engraved on it.)
Lithius: That's good.
(Richard inserts the coin, another light comes on. Richard pulls out No. 3, and inserts the coin. Another light goes on, and blows the crystal further to the chute.)
Lithius: 1:00 You've plenty of time to complete this game...
(Richard inserts coin 4, another light goes on. The crystal is almost at the chute. Richard inserts the last coin and the last light goes on. The crystal reaches the end, and rolls down the chute, into the pocket. Richard grabs the crystal, and slaps the doors)
Ed: I say! He's done it!
Lithius: He's done it? Fantastic!
(Lithius opens the doors and Richard comes out. All cheer as Richard holds the gleaming crystal aloft, and then hands it to Lithius.)
Lithius: OK, five crystals, twenty-five seconds. Captain Liam, who's next?
Liam: OK, erm...it's going to be Stiletta with a Physical please.
Lithius: A Physical for Stiletta, eh? I know just the game for you. This way!
(Lithius brings the teams to the flooded room game)
Lithius: OK, Stiletta, stay here while the others go around the corner. You lot can observe on the screen over there. Right then, Stil, this is a three minute game, but I'm sorry to say that it's a watery challenge. So, the jacket has to come off for now.
(Stiletta removes the jacket...)
Lithius: Now...(opens the door)... I'll start the clock as soon as you are properly in the room.
(Stiletta enters backwards and descends the stairs, then Lithius starts the clock. Stiletta looks around for the instruction notice. Then she notices a barrel with some objects on it.)
Stiletta: Ah. I have got a candle on a stand, and a bottle/glass thing. The candle is lit, so...
(Stiletta places the bottle upside down over the flame, gets into the water, and transfers it across to the other side)
Liam: Yes, yes, that's the idea!
(Stiletta pulls herself onto the platform and removes the bottle. The flame flickers.)
Liam: Careful, Stil, don't get that candle wet!
Stiletta: Oh, there's a chest with a stick of TNT. I wonder...
Ed: Aha, dynamite. You know what it can do, Stiletta, but you'd better move as soon as the fuse is lit.
(Stiletta lights the wick, it fizzes as it burns. Stiletta keeps clear and blows out her candle. KA-BOOM! The smoke clears, and Stiletta opens the chest. The Crystal is in the centre, and she takes it and puts it in her pocket. She gets into the water, under the wall, and onto the other platform.)
Liam: Oh, here she comes...
(Stiletta heads for the ladder.)
Liam: Be careful not to slip...
Lithius: Well, well, well. She's doing this in record time.
(Stiletta bangs the door.)
(Lithius opens the door and the teams cheer enthusiastically as Stilleta gives the crystal to Lithius.)
Ed: Jolly good show!
Lithius: OK then. That's three games apiece so far, six crystals, thirty seconds. But, before we do anything else... (he passes Stiletta's jacket back to her.) OK, Stiletta, head down to the boiler room, there will be a new outfit waiting for you and some towels to dry you off.
(Stiletta scurries off to the boiler room)
Lithius: In the meantime, Captain Dan, your fourth game, if you please.
Dan: Certainly. I'd like to try a Mystery game.
Lithius: You'd like to try a Mystery game, hmm? Aha, alright come with me...
(The teams follow Lithius)
Lithius: OK, Captain, I've some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that I'm gonna need to you to remove your jacket, I'm afraid.
Dan: I'm gonna get wet, aren't I? Heh-heh!
Lithius: 'Fraid so. But, the good news is that this is not an automatic lock-in. You have 2:15 from when I close the door.
Lithius: Good luck, and in you go!
(Dan leaves his jacket outside the room, and enters. The door closes, and Lithius starts the clock.)
Dan: Right, there's a big perspex sphere with water rushing out from it. I suspect I need to plug these pipes on...
Lithius: That's pretty much it.
Richard: My word, I've never seen this in my time. I reckon the ringed plug is where the water must meet..
(Dan takes a pipe, and plugs it over the leak and plugs the other end in to divert the flow of water. Then a new leak springs from the other side.)
Dan: Ooh! Lovely(!) It just went in my eye! Brrrr!
(Dan shakes his head)
Lithius: I told you so! Hmm? What have we here...?
(Lithius goes over to the table, and notices a bunch of grapes, picks it up and sniffs.)
Lithius: It smells fresh enough...what a pity it's made of plastic! The only thing this is good for is a knapsack.
(Meanwhile, Dan plugs another pipe over the leak, and connects the other end to another connection to divert the flow. The sphere is becoming blue due to the circulation of the water.)
(Dan takes another pipe and connects it to another leak to stop it, and plugs the other end onto another connection. The sphere gets more and more blue. Dan double-checks to see if the pipes are secure...)
Richard: Are you certain that it's working properly, Captain?
Dan: It looks OK...Oh! Hang on!
(Dan discovers one more leak, so gets another pipe, and plugs the leak, then connects the other end to the sphere. Then, the crystal rises to the top.)
Dan: Hello! There we go!
(He grabs the crystal, rushes to the door, then knocks! Lithius opens the door and Dan comes out, crystal in hand, to the cheering of the teams.)
Lithius: Very well done! (He passes the jacket back to Dan) You don't seem to be soaked too much, so I reckon you'll be fine.
Dan: Yes, I'll survive. Ah, here comes Stiletta again.
Lithius: Well, well, well, good timing! Right, Captain Liam, what's next for your team?
(Dan hands his crystal to Lithius while Liam decides.)
Liam: Right. I'll do this one, and I'll do a Mystery.
Lithius: You'd like to do a Mystery? OK, follow me!
(Lithius takes the teams to the "Making Faces" room.)
Lithius: OK, you have two and a half minutes in this room, and it'll start from the very second I close the door.
Lithius: Right, in you go, Captain.
(Lithius opens the door. Liam enters, and Lithius closes the door and starts the clock.)
Liam: "To get the crystal, make the faces to find the codes."
(He goes over to the wall with the faces on it,)
Dan: Oh, it's one of those picture flap games. I remember a book with those sort of flaps. Anyway, do you know what you're doing?
Liam: I think so.
(Liam looks at the picture on the vault, and tries to slide them correctly to get the numbers.)
Ed: Make sure they're lined up carefully, dear boy. Ah, I think you've almost got the first one already...
(Liam looks and gets the first face, but takes 20 seconds to do it. Then going over to the picture, he places the code 4129 into the lock. Click! Liam takes the lock off and opens the panel.)
Dan: Ah, another puzzle. How long have we got left, Lithius?
Lithius: Hmm? Oh, er, two minutes, Captain Dan.
Dan: Two Minutes, Liam. Concentrate, now.
(Liam gets on with the next face, as he slides the pieces around.)
Stiletta: Yeah-ooh. Nearly there...
(Liam gets the next face, the next code being 3442, and goes over to the lock. Click!)
Dan: Yes, well done. Keep it up.
(Liam goes back over to the slides, and starts on them again for the third picture.)
Richard: Easy does it, now.
Lithius: (Nods.) Er, 1:45!
(Then, Lithius looks over at a set of instuments.)
Lithius: Aha. Now, these are the kind of instuments used on one of these ships. Tell you what, let's see if they might work...
(He blows into the trumpet, but it lets loose one little note and a cloud of dust flies out!)
Lithius: (Coughs) Cor. That's quite dusty!
(He places the trumpet down. Meanwhile, Liam has finished fixing the third picture up with the sliders.)
Richard: Yes, that looks good.
(Liam obtains the third code, 4798, as he places the code into the lock. Click! He opens the third panel, and a fourth picture is there.)
Lithius: You have one minute left, Captain Liam.
Liam: One minute?! Oh, my lord!
(Liam starts to rush a bit, causing some of the pieces to slide out of place and they jam.)
Dan: Don't panic, Liam! Concentrate...
(Liam looks and sees that the pieces are jammed, and tries to move them. Dan puts his hands together.)
Dan: Come on...come on, Liam...
(Liam wiggles the sliders, and then they get loose.)
Ed: Ah. Go, Liam.
(Liam heaves a sigh of relief, then slides them into place.)
Lithius: 20 seconds.
Dan: Come on.
(Liam slides the dials as fast as possible, but he messes up the lock!)
Lithius: 10 seconds!
(Liam tries to get the lock open, fast!)
Dan: Come out!
All: OUT! OUT!
(Liam looks and gets the door open and grabs the crystal but..)
Lithius: Five, Four, Three, Two, One...
(The time runs out as Liam knocks on the door to get out, and the lock bolts shut.)
All: OHHH, NO!
(Dan puts his head in his hands, and runs his hands through his hair in exasperation. Liam bangs the door in frustration, then sits in the room.)
Liam: Argh, dang it!
Lithius: Wow. That was really bad luck! Close, wasn't it? I am terribly sorry, but, rules are rules and right now Red team, you'll have to wait to buy your captain out as we are to go above sea level to where the Incas once roamed.
Dan: That'll be the Aztec Zone, I guess.
Lithius: Exactly! Right, let's go then!
(Lithius goes over to the grill connecting the Oceanic Zone to where a pipe leading to the Aztec Zone awaits. The map fades in. A light indicates the team in the Aztec Zone, then it zooms into view as the other zones fly out. Fades out to the Aztec zone. Lithius climbs out of the fountain part of the area and goes over to the big stone pillar. Dan and the others follow suit and meet up at the pillar.)
Lithius: Well, here we are, in the Aztec Zone...or, rather, my Summer getaway as I like to call it!
Lithius: But, now onto more serious matters, Dan, your team has four crystals and leading, however, Ed, since your captian is in ocean you have three crystals. You will now take over as vice captain.
Lithius: That's seven crystals in total, adding up to 35 seconds in the Dome. Now to even things out...a backup member is going to join your team right now.
(Dan looks on and sees Pickle come in for the reds.)
Pickle: Greetings, everyone!
Ed: Ah, welcome, Pickle.
Lithius: Oh, you know what, Captain Dan? How about I give you your back up member as well?
Dan: Ah, very well.
(Dan looks on and sees his Sonic form, DTC Hedgehog, come in for his team.)
Dan: Aha! DTC Hedgehog! It's been a while!
DTC: Hey, Dan!
(They high five)
Lithius: Good. Now the formalities are out of the way, I think we'd best get going in the game, don't you? Right, OK, Captain Dan, your next game please.
Dan: OK, then. Let's have a Mental game this time.
Lithius: A Mental game, eh? And who would you like to play this game?
Dan: Let's have DTC Take care of this.
Lithius: Oh, straight in with the back up, eh? All right then, come along!
(Lithius goes over to the west side of the area, where the stairs are. The teams follow him.)
Lithius: OK, DTC. I regret to inform you that this game's an Automatic Lock-in.
Lithius: Touch the floor at anytime in the room, then I'm afraid it's curtains for the Blue's winning streak.
DTC: OK...no pressure, then
Lithius: Hmm. You have two and a half minutes for this game, so...
(He opens the bamboo door.)
Lithius:...in you go.
(DTC enters, and Lithius closes the door and starts the water clock.)
DTC: OK, I'm in a room, and there are some small ledges, and some ropes with footholds.
Pickle: (Looks on) Ooh...this game looks a little bit tricky to me!
Dan: You're not wrong there...
DTC: Ah, the ropes have hooks on top and can fit into these holes.
(Fits the hooks into the holes, and begins to edge his way around the room with the ropes. Lithius watches the water clock closely.)
Sidress: Can you see the crystal anywhere?
DTC: Oh, yes, the crystal's on the opposite side.
(DTC reaches the first corner, and carefully switches to the back wall. Lithius turns from the action, and looks over to a pit nearby. He goes over to it.)
Lithius: Hmm...oh, hallo! It looks like the owners were having a nice meal, and it also looks like they enjoyed it. Oh, what's this? They've left a bit for me too...
(Lithius notices some sausages, but they have a plastic-y look on them..)
Lithius: Oh, great. More knapsack fodder! (He sighs.) Ah well. They looked rather nice, though.
(Meanwhile, DTC is easily moving across the back wall and reaches the next corner. Lithius heads back to the teams. DTC reaches for the next loop, and slightly stumbles.)
Dan: Whoa, careful!
Lithius: The Captain's right, DTC. And I forgot to tell you that some of the ledges are timed!
DTC: What? (To the fourth wall.) Now he tells me.
(DTC fixes the ropes quickly and moves across.)
Ed: Steady, now!
(The first platform contracts in. DTC clears it, and moves steadily across.)
Dan: How are we doing for time?
Lithius: Coming up to 1:45, almost.
(DTC reaches for the crystal, grabs it and puts it in his pocket.)
Dan: Hey, isn't that a zip line above you?
DTC: Zip line? Oh yeah.
(Attaches the rope to the pulley, then swings across to the podium where the door is. DTC carefully unfastens himself and gently gets on the podium. He knocks on the door.)
DTC: I got it!
(He gets the crystal from his pocket and bangs on the door. Lithius opens the door, and DTC gets out, holds the crystal aloft and is greeted with cheers. He hands the Crystal to Lithius.)
Lithius: Good job! Right then, that's 5 against 3. Vice Captain Ed, your choice please
Ed: Well, let's try a Physical, shall we?
Lithius: Physical, and who's to play it?.
Ed: Dan sent DTC in, so we'll send in the book keeper, Pickle.
Lithius: A Physical for Pickle...Aha!
(Lithius brings pickle to the water filled room.)
Lithius: OK, then, Pickle. You'll need to remove your jacket for this one...
Pickle: Root and Fen!
Lithius: It's a two and a half minute game...
(Pickle takes the jacket off and gives it to Lithius)
Lithius:...and it starts the moment I shut this door. Off you go!
(Lithius opens the door. Pickle enters the room and Lithius closes the door and starts the water clock.)
Pickle: Right. There is a large pool of water. Over which is a bridge. There is some sort of god on the other end, and some money here, it looks like.
Ed: By jingo! Looks like you need to feed the god.
Richard: Yes. The god smiles on the generous.
(Pickle immediately picks up a handful of coins, and goes over the bridge.)
Lithius: Be careful though, the bridge is a bit wobbly!
(He reaches the god and feeds the coins through its mouth. He finishes feeding his first handful of coins, and goes back for another handful.)
Lithius: Two minutes left!
(Pickle skids back to the coin box.)
(Pickle grabs another handful of coins, and carefully traverses the bridge to the god again. He feeds the coins again.)
Pickle: My word. He's a hungry chap!
(Laughter. Pickle goes back for more)
Lithius: Well, he is a god. What do you expect?
Dan: Good point.
Lithius: Ah, 1:35.
(Pickle collects the remaining coins, goes across the bridge and feeds the god once more.)
Pickle: Phew! I don't think I'll make it as a postman, somehow!
(Eventually, the crystal slides down to the bottom of a chute, near the entrance.)
Dan: It's here at the bottom of the chute. Come on.
(Pickle goes over to the chute and collects the crystal.)
Pickle: Got it!
(Pickle knocks on the door and Lithius opens it. Pickle comes out and there comes a cheer as produces the crystal. Pickle gives Lithius the Crystal.)
Lithius: Very good! Er, Captain Dan, your team's next game, please.
Dan: Right. A Mystery, please.
Lithius: A Mystery game? Who's going to attempt the Mystery?
Dan: Sidress, this time.
Lithius: OK. Come with...
Ed: Ahem. Just a moment...!
Lithius: Oh! Yes, Ed?
Ed: I think we should buy our Captain out of the Oceanic Zone.
Lithius: You want to buy Captain Liam out? All right, then, who shall you send, Vice Captain?
Lithius: OK, then.
(Lithius takes a crystal from the red tube on his belt, and hands it to Stiletta.)
Lithius: Here you go. now you know where he is then
Stiletta: Yes, Oceanic Zone, Making Faces room.
Lithius: Right. Now, you best go quickly.
Stiletta: Right away.
(She zips off, while Lithius takes Sidress and the teams to another door.)
Lithius: Now, Sidress. This is a two minute game. Are you ready?
Sidress: Yes...I think so.
Lithius: In you go, then.
(Lithius opens the door and Sidress enters the room. Lithius shuts the door, and starts off the water clock.)
Sidress: OK, I have four skulls here. They seem to be yawning. There's a chute and some tennis ba...aha! I know what to do!
Richard: Ah, good girl
(Sidress puts her first ball in the chute. She aims...the ball rolls down the chute and lands in the top skull's mouth.)
DTC: Right in the mush!
Dan: That's one down, three to go!
(Meanwhile, Stiletta reaches the Oceanic Zone, and opens the Making Faces door.)
Stiletta: Hey, Captain Liam. I've come to buy you out.
(Liam places the two crystals into the safe, then heads out.)
Liam: Thanks. Now, let's get back to the others, shall we?
(Back at the skulls game, Sidress has put the second ball into the left skull's mouth.)
Ed: I say. She's quite good!
Richard: Hmm, no flaws as of yet.
Lithius: One minute remaining!
(Sidress gets the next ball, rolls it down the chute...and it lands in the bottom skull's mouth.)
Richard: That's it, now one more to go...
(Sidress gets another ball. takes a deep breath and rolls the ball down the chute...it lands in the right skull's mouth. All skulls are full. The crystal reveals itself. Sidress grabs it.)
Sidress: Aha! Here we are!
(She knocks the door. Lithius opens it and the teams cheer as Sidress exits the room She gives the crystal to Lithius. Stilleta and Liam arrive at that moment.)
Lithius: Congratulations, Sidress...ah, Captain Liam, welcome back.
Liam: Thanks, guys.
Lithius: Well then, since you're back with us, what game would you like?
Liam: Well...I'll do a Physical.
Lithius: You'd like to do a Physical game, Captain? Hmm...ah, I have just the one for you!
(All follow Lithius, who comes to stop outside the Jars game room.)
Lithius: Right, Captain Liam. You will be requiring these...
(Lithius passes some goggles and some gauntlets to Liam, who puts them on.)
Lithius:...and you have two minutes to complete this game, so in you go!
(Liam goes into the jar room and sees a room with three jars, each with gold sand filled inside. Lithius shuts the door and starts the clock.)
Dan: Is there a sledgehammer in there?
Liam: Sledgehammer? Aha, yes. Here it is.
(He picks it up and then slams it down on the plank. Whoosh! CRASH! )
Dan: Yes! That's the ticket!
(Liam goes for the next plank but the rope has shortened. The pieces and sand from the first jar falls on the conveyor belt)
Ed: You're going to have to unravel the rope, Captain!
(Liam unwraps the rope from the rotating pillar.)
Ed: Yes, that's the way.
(Liam unwraps the rope fully, and whacks the furthest plank down hard!)
(The pieces and sand fall on the belt)
Dan: OK, one more.
(He whacks the middle lever... Whoosh! CRASSSSSHHHHH! The pieces and sand fall on the belt. Then the Crystal reveals itself. Liam grabs the crystal and then goes to the door and knocks.)
Dan: He's got it, let him out!
(Lithius opens the door, and all cheer as Liam comes out, crystal in hand. He hands it to Lithius, who is absolutely pleased.)
Lithius: Yes! YES! Brilliant! Oh, I am so happy for you, Captain. This more than makes up for the lock-in in the Oceanic Zone! In fact, I reckon this deserves a cosmic handshake!
(Lithius gives Liam a cosmic handshake, followed by Ed. Liam removes the goggles and gauntlets.)
Lithius: Oh, pity. I thought you'd be a high-flier!
Lithius: OK, 6 to 4 now. That's ten crystals in total, and 50 seconds in the Dome, but we're not going there just yet! We have to go to the last zone, to the Future, outside the atmosphere and among the stars.
Dan: Well then. As the 10th Doctor used to say...Allons-y!
Lithius: Let's go!
(Lithius and the teams go over to the wall connecting the aztec and future zone and g through the crawlspace. The map fades in. A light indicates the team in the Futuristic Zone, then it zooms into view as the other zones fly out. Fades out to the Futuristic zone. Lithius and the teams are in the lift and it goes down...BUMP! Lithius opens the door and they all go to the computer area.)
Lithius: OK, teams. Welcome to the space ship Armadeus, a space ship commissioned by Earth until 2200.
(All look around them.)
Lithius: Anyway, this is the last zone. This Zone will determine how much time you will spend inside the Crystal Dome.
Lithius: Captain Dan, your next choice, please.
Dan: Right, we'll go for a Physical game this time.
Lithius: Who's going to tackle this game?
Dan: Richard shall play this one.
Lithius: Richard. OK, follow me...
(Lithius leads the teams over to the pipe maze room.)
Lithius: OK, Richard. This is an Automatic Lock-in. Touch the wall or fall three times, then I'm afraid it's Lock-in Central!
Richard: Oh, dear.
(Lithius punches in the code.)
Lithius: You have three minutes for this game. In you go.
(Lithius presses the button, which opens the door. Richard enters, and the door shuts behind him. The clock starts.)
Richard: Now then...I have a series of pipes...
Pickle: We can see it...it looks like a maze. Why don't you grab the handles, Richard.
Richard: Handles? Ah.
(Richard starts to follow the pipes round, and carefully steps on the springed stands...)
Richard: Ooh-er! I'd like to see Mumsy do this!
Lithius: (Checking the time.) 2:30.
(Richard comes to a changeover point. He switches the handles to the next pipe and follows it round, moving onto the next stand. All gasp as he wobbles slightly.
(He comes to the last changeover point. He switches to the final pipe, steps onto the stand, and follows the pipe to the entrance. He lands on the podium...)
Lithius: Ooh, careful, Richard!
(Richard carefully moves the bars with the crystal off the pipe, and bangs on the door. Lithius opens it and the teams cheer as Richard produces the handles with the crystal on it. He passes it to Lithius.)
Lithius: Thanks, but you didn't need to take the handles with you.
(Lithius opens the cage and takes the crystal out.)
Lithius: None-the-less, that's 7 against 4. Captain Liam, your turn.
Liam: OK then. Mystery, this time and Ed shall do it.
Lithius: A Mystery for Ed? Ah...I may have the perfect game for you!
(Lithius leads the teams over to the science lab.)
Lithius: OK, Ed. You also have three minutes for this game.
(He types the key code then the door opens. Ed enters, and the door shuts behind him.)
Ed: Righto, chaps. I'm in a science lab. There is a beaker of water with a tap, and there are 3 more in varying size. There is another one with a switch. Aha. I've got the gist of it.
(Ed starts arranging the beakers and taps in the correct order. This takes 30 seconds.)
Ed: OK, here we go. Chocks away!
(He turns on the taps...and the water starts to flow. It goes into the next beaker, then the second, then the third, then fills up the final beaker, and activates the switch. The crystal reveals itself in the wall.)
Ed: Here we go!
(Grabs the crystal, and makes for the door. He knocks, and Lithius opens it. Ed exits and produces the crystal. All cheer as Ed hands the crystal to Lithius.)
Ed: Quite a good chain reaction, actually.
Lithius: Yes, it was quite awesome, wasn't it? Now then, we have one more set of games to go, so Captain Dan, next game please.
Dan: Well, Lithius. How about a Skill this time.
Lithius: A Skill game? Who's going to play it?
Dan: DTC this time. That way, all my team would have each done 2 games each.
Lithius: Yes, quite true. OK, then.
(Lithius brings the teams to the next game.)
Lithius: Right, DTC. You have two minutes for this game, and it'll start from the very second the door closes. In you go.
(Door opens, DTC enters and the door shuts behind him.)
DTC: There's a notice here. Shoot 3 targets to reveal the crystal.
(In front of DTC is a screen with a slot. In the background is a series of moving targets. There is a gun with some metal ball bearings.)
Lithius: You have only 12 shots, and you can only use each one once.
DTC: OK, I've gotta make sure they count.
(DTC Loads one bearing into the barrel. He aims...fires and hits a target on the top row. A Green light goes on.)
(DTC loads another bearing, aims....fires and misses.)
(Loads, aims and fires. Hits a target on the middle row. Another green light comes on.)
Lithius: good going.
(DTC loads another bearing, aims and fires! He hits a target on the bottom row and lights the third green light. The green lights flash, and the Crystal is revealled in the wall.)
Lithius: Very good, but it seems another target is needed to be hit. It'll need a few number of shots to it.
(A larger target flips up, and DTC aims at it once he's loaded. He fires his shots one at a time. Hit! Miss! Miss! Hit! Hit! Hit! Miss! Hit! The target swings down and the crystal is released.)
DTC: Here we go!
(Grabs the crystal and makes for the door. He bangs on it and Lithius opens the door. The teams cheer as DTC exits and presents Lithius with the crystal.)
Lithius: My heartiest congratulations, Blue Team, on a clean sweep! Captain Liam, you have the honour of choosing the final game.
Liam: We'll have a Mystery game, and Stiletta's going to play it.
Lithius: A Mystery for Stiletta? Hmm, let me see...ah! This way.
(Lithius leads the teams to the last game room, and they crowd around the monitors.)
Lithius: Right, Stiletta, here is the final game. You have got two minutes. In you go!
(Lithius activates the door and Stilleta goes in. The door shuts behind her.)
Stilleta: OK, I have some puzzle pieces here, comprising of linked spheres. I presume I have to build a pyramid out of them.
Lithius: That's correct.
Stiletta: OK then.
(She starts to put the pieces together.)
Dan: Looks quite tricky...
Liam: (Calls to the door.) Stil, use the first four bar, as the four line.
(Stiletta does so.)
Liam: Good, then place the first six piece on the side.
Stiletta: (Doing as Liam says.) Like this?
Liam: Yes, that's it. Now, you can fill the rest in.
(Stiletta gathers the other pieces and fills the rest in to make up the pyramid. She stands back and it doesn't fall apart. The crystal reveals itself on the wall in a white box. She grabs it and knocks on the door. Lithius opens it and the teams cheer and applaud as Stiletta hands Lithius the final crystal.)
Lithius: Well, well, well! Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Good job all around, guys. Let's see. 8 for the blues, 6 for the reds. 14 crystals making a total of one minute and ten seconds.
(All congratulate each other.)
Lithius: Well, I think it's time to go from here...to a place where time and space collide.
Dan: (To the fourth wall) And we all know where that is...
Lithius: To the Dome!!
(All follow Lithius to the exit. Fades to the map. The zones zoom out and the camera zooms into the dome. Fades to the Crystal Altar. The altar has the 14 crystals placed in the two halves. Camera zooms out slightly and shows Lithius looking at the crystals.)
Lithius: Welcome, teams, to the Crystal Dome. It was a mostly flawless game you played. Now, I shall cite the rules.
Lithius: Now, as you have collected 14 overall, you will have a minute and ten seconds. While you're inside the dome, a flurry of gold and silver tokens will fly around and in that time, you need to collect 100 or more gold tokens by placing them into the cosmic pryamid. Now, for every silver token that goes in, one gold token will be deducted.
Lithius: Good. So first, let me raise the bridge...
(HSSSSS! The bridge rises from the water)
Lithius:...and then open the door.
(Clunk! Bzzzzzzzzzzzz! The door opens)
Lithius: Now, this is important. When I blow my whistle you will start collecting, and when the second whistle blows you will stop collecting. Now please make your way in and hold onto the rail very tight.
(They all do so, and hold on tight to the rail. Lithius closes the door. Bzzzzzz! Clunk! All are still holding tight.)
Lithius: Remember: Over 100 gold after deductions to win a great prize! Winds of Time and Space, Let your power be known!
(The fans start up and the gold and silver tokens start whirling about. Lithius watches and lets off a big first whistle. PEEEEEEEEP! The teams start collecting tokens all over the place. Some start posting, while others pick through Gold and Silver tokens...Lithius watches as the crystals wind down, one by one every five seconds. As time ticks away, the cosmic pyramid fills up with tokens. Some gold and silver tokens fly in. Some of the members pass on the tokens to those near the pyramid, and they post them in. Lithius glances at the depleting crystals. Some tokens land on Liam and Dan's faces. The red half's crystals have diminished, but the blue's remaining crystals continue to diminish. The teams continue collecting tokens and post them in the pyramid, which looks close to bursting! Soon, all the crystals have diminished, time runs out and Lithius lets out a long whistle, going red in the face! PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP! The teams stop collecting tokens. The pyramid is almost completely full.)
Lithius: Right, teams! You can come out now. I think you've done exceedingly well!
(The door opens, and everyone gets out and form a line opposite the crystal altar. There are next to no tokens left in the dome.)
Lithius: Hoo, boy! Would you look at that? Anyway, the tokens have been counted, and I have some good news and some bad news...
(The teams look on anxiously.)
Lithius: The good news is that you collected a total of 348 gold.
Lithius: and the bad news is you collected a total of...208 silver!
Lithius: Which means, after deductions, that you have ended up with a total of 140 GOLD!!! Good job everyone. Now, I have here a choice of 6 prizes. Captains Dan and Liam, please pick one each.
(Dan picks the nearest one of the 6 prize cards.)
Dan: This one.
(Liam picks the farthest card.)
Liam: Then I'll pick this one..
Lithius: Right, then. (He takes the two chosen prizes.) For the Blue Team, you have won a weekend away on a luxury cruise around the coast of Spain!
Blue Team: Ooh. Very nice!
Lithius: I'll say it is! And the red team, you have won a Monaco weekend, being able to go around the country of Monaco, including the Formula 1 track, and having some fun in the sun.
Red Team: Awesome!
Lithius: And not only that, you each get a souvenir crystal. If you'd like to pass them along to each other...
(The teams pass a crystal along to each other.)
Lithius: Captain Liam, Captain Dan.. thank you for being part of this special.
Dan: No problem.
Liam: My pleasure.
Lithius: (looking over at the camera.) Well, that's it, I'm afraid. I've been your host for this one-off special. I hope you have enjoyed the show. Well, all I can say is that Dan and Liam will be back in another game show soon. But for now, goodbye, and God speed!
(End credits roll as music plays.)
Mine & ~Natter45's latest game show script takes us to a 90's classic.
The Crystal Maze (C) Chatsworth Television, Channel 4 1990-95
Knightmare Characters (C) Anglia Television 1987-94
DTC Hedgehog (C) Me
Script (C) ~Natter45 & Me
The Crystal Maze (C) Chatsworth Television, Channel 4 1990-95
Knightmare Characters (C) Anglia Television 1987-94
DTC Hedgehog (C) Me
Script (C) ~Natter45 & Me